A quick palate cleansing, brain cleansing, soul cleansing blog post
It’s Friday, the end of a long week. Not really the end, but a milestone reached on the calendar in any case. Yesterday I felt okay but I’ve been going through a soul-draining time. So it was delightful to go check my mailbox and find not one but two wonderful books waiting for me, review copies that I gathered heartily.
I have read Momma Zen author Karen Maezen Miller’s new book Hand Wash Cold as an e-galley, but having it to hold and read as a paperback is a gift. Now I can cozy up with warm paper rather than a cold laptop and read it again. Karen’s writing always helps me reconnect with and appreciate the life I have–ups, downs and all around.
And after all the Frank Deford sexist commentary musing this week, it was a breath of fresh air to discover Courtney Martin and J. Courtney Sullivan’s new book Click: When We Knew We Were Feminists.
We really need more voices from women, young women, and feminists in particular, as recent reporting indicates, including recent Newsweek coverage of the reproductive rights movement that didn’t get nearly enough input from young women themselves, so I can’t wait to dig into this treasure trove.
[I know that Newsweek did a follow up to that piece and I am behind in following the story as it evolved. For more commentary from young feminists, check out Jezebel's coverage and related links.]
A bad day for monogamy in America….Rielle, Tiger
Wow, what a bad day for monogamy in America. First I read that Tiger Woods supposedly admitted to cheating with 120 women…but it’s the 121st he doesn’t admit to, a daughter of a neighbor, that pushes his wife over the edge to meet with divorce lawyers.
And then there was Rielle Hunter talking to Oprah for a whole hour. I had to eat a lot of chocolate chips to sit through that interview. Living in Chapel Hill, John Edwards’ meltdown when he cheated on his cancer-stricken wife and had a baby with his mistress while running for President is practically a cottage industry (a source of local gossip with national implications, at least)–but now it’s weird to see the mainstream media leaping all over this story now, long after it has ceased to be relevant to the national campaign, when the major news outlets were conspicuously quiet, not knowing how to pick up on a story that had only been reported in the National Enquirer.
(Anyone else noticed how Tiger and Edwards and other wonderful dudes like Jesse James have really raised the bar on cheating? Now the idea of a woman leaving her husband because he just cheated with one person seems almost quaint.)
I had been an Edwards supporter and I had met John, Elizabeth, Andrew and Cheri Young on several occasions (Andrew assured us we were “like family,” which meant we were prospective fundraisers), and I had even met Rielle Hunter once in June 2006 just as she was about to come on board as the campaign’s “documentary videographer.” Last time I blogged about this I was really angry that the whole Edwards campaign had swindled me by collecting my donations and those of my family members under false pretenses, going forward with the campaign in the midst of the affair that could have blown up the whole 2008 election for the Democrats. Why don’t the media talk about that national campaign angle more? How could even the most Koolaid-imbibing loyalists move forward in that circumstance? Oprah didn’t really ask Rielle Hunter or Andrew Young about that on a probing level. My visceral reaction to Rielle is still that I am really bummed to think that every time I meet a female campaign worker I now feel a split-second impulse that I have to analyze whether she is a secret mistress. That really stinks.
But after seeing Rielle on Oprah today, a new thought emerges that applies to both Hunter and Edwards: Some lies are bigger than words.
Rielle can talk all she wants about “alignment” and “living her truth” and having other people project their judgments on her. Her actions were lies. His actions were thoroughly, inherently lies. The Edwards marriage storyline was a lie that was paraded int front of the whole country. John was renewing his vows with Elizabeth when Rielle was pregnant. Rielle was the “documentarian” who was going to show us the “real” John Edwards while carrying on a secret affair and making a sex tape with him. Even Rielle had to wonder what were we thinking? in hindsight, examining their reckless and inevitably destructive behavior. Rielle may be articulate and may have even spun a fantasy world in her head where her actions make sense to her. In the end, I believe that the truth is it doesn’t matter what they were thinking, it doesn’t matter what they said then, or are saying now. Their actions speak for themselves.
Angry Moms converge on Nike and NPR to protest violence against women
There’s harmonic convergence in the Angry Activist Mom universe today. Yesterday I posted about Frank Deford’s awful pro-Ben-Roethlisberger thug-apologist commentary on NPR’s Morning Edition, and then today Cooper & Emily blogged over at TheMotherhood.com about Angry Moms protesting Nike for sponsoring Roethlisberger.
This issue has LEGS…and BRAINS of Angry Moms engaged. This is why it’s so powerful to raise our voices….going from one woman listening to the radio in the car and wondering, “Did I really just hear that?” to joining together to shout back at powerful corporations and public media who are supposed to represent a wide variety of voices.
Cooper & Emily’s blog post has links that will help you tell Nike what you think, and here’s the link to Frank Deford’s commentary, “Not All Role Models Need be Positive” and the NPR Contact form.
Seriously, Frank Deford and NPR editors, What were you thinking????
This is what it feels like to be in the sandwich generation
I am really glad we got the new book launched successfully, because I have to tell you I am having a tough month. Right now I am experiencing working-Mom guilt, now that I am getting back to the rest of my life and realizing how unavailable I had been as I worked furiously to get ready for publication, in combination with intense caregiver Mom/Daughter responsibilities. We have a real quadruple-decker sandwich going on in my family, spanning from my 10 year old to her 91 year old great-grandmother. It just so happens that everyone is facing a big challenge right now of one kind or another, and thankfully we can support each other, taking turns driving one another to doctor’s appointments and helping out in other ways. So today I check on my Dad who is anticipating an overnight stay in the hospital, tomorrow I bring him home, and if the timing works out (which it probably won’t) I’ll accompany my Mom to a totally separate doctor’s appointment, 40 miles in the other direction. In the meantime my mother is taking care of my daughter and dog as needed so that I can look in on my Dad. I am doing okay but I probably have an ulcer so that needs to get healed, and I am going in for the definitive diagnosis next week, and my Mom will accompany me, because someone else has to drive me and take me home.
My husband is usually an active partner in all this, but due to unlucky timing he’s tied up with unavoidable work obligations all week.
My Aunt has been a godsend as she and my Dad were able to visit their mother together last week, a major trip that would have been much tougher to do alone. She’s also helping with driving this week.
Even though we have a round robin of support, I still feel a crushing amount of pressure right now. When I look at the picture of the big sandwich, I feel like a soggy old piece of cheese stuck right in the middle. I’ve been holding up okay but it’s reached the point where my mojo has been run down to almost zilch. So I am taking this week off from podcasting, and I may not blog for a few days. I hate taking off from writing because that generally makes me feel worse, not better, but this week something has got to give.
If I pull back the lens to the larger view, I’ll say the one interesting thing about my current situation is that much of the stress is unrelated to having a child. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: caregiving is not always a choice. My daughterly responsibilities are equally intense as my mothering right now. As the only child of divorced parents, a lot falls on me as I care for four people (plus myself) and juggle three households to some extent! I am working on getting a support team in place to bring in extra minds and hands to tackle a lot of the work that needs to be done, which feels good. And I am working on my own support, which is going okay, but I have reached the point of burnout where I am not even sure what would make me feel better right now. Still trying to figure that one out.
Wondering whether we need more women in media? Listen to this….
Frank Deford’s sexist, tone-deaf commentary on today’s Morning Edition on NPR really pushed me over the top this morning. The commentary just aired a half hour ago so it’s not posted online yet, but it should be tomorrow. The you can listen in to Deford’s incredulous pondering of why people are so worked up by the misdeeds of Ben Roethlisberger and other millionaire celebrity athletes who have been accused of violence and misogyny. Deford basically said, so the guy was accused of sexual assault…at least it wasn’t a gun charge. He wondered why do we hold athletes to such an unrealistically high standard of behavior? I hope you’ll listen to the segment when it becomes available and then send an email to NPR if you agree that this commentary was offensive. Deford is entitled to his opinion and we’re entitled to tell him we think he’s an idiot. The question is whether NPR is serving its listeners with a fair menu of commentators representing a spectrum of opinions–and so far the research shows they are not.
Here is the letter I whipped off to NPR in response to Deford’s commentary. For once I just sat down and wrote out my response rather than “waiting to get it perfect” and then not getting it done:
Dear Morning Edition,
I’ve put up with Frank Deford’s patronizing commentary for years but today’s defense of Ben Roethlisberger was beyond the pale. I could not believe my ears as his jokey, offhand commentary unspooled. Why should athletes be held to a standard of behavior? Because they are paid millions of dollars and worshipped as celebrities, “warriors” and “heroes.” They can’t have it both ways, expecting their image to sell products but at the same time have their reprehensible behavior not count.
Since when did rape become part of “taking in the night air?” Should women really feel grateful that Roethlisberger was accused of sexual assault rather than a gun charge? Deford seems to think we are holding athletes to a higher standard of behavior when we are holding them accountable for violence against women and other crimes.
Why is Deford given such a prominent spot for all these years? Where are your female commentators who would have a very different point of view? Listen to On the Media from April 16 [the story examining "NPR's woman problem"]. Not only is Frank Deford a sexist jerk, but NPR has a real problem in representing commentator voices other than the same old white men we’ve been hearing from for decades.
I have been listening to NPR for 20 years, often for 6-10 hours a day in my workplace, and I have not been this angry since I sat through live coverage of the Clarence Thomas/Anita Hill hearings. At least then NPR was not responsible for the content.
You really need to get a clue if you are going to bring along the next generation of listeners.
Sincerely,
Amy Tiemann, Ph.D.
Chapel Hill, NC
WUNC listener and volunteer
******************************
Update, 4/29/10
Here is the link to Deford’s commentary, “Not All Role Models Need be Positive.”
Be sure to read the comment section which contains many articulate rants written in opposition to Deford’s point of view.
You can add your voice to the backlash by posting a comment, or emailing your feedback to Morning Edition via the NPR Contact Form.
Mojo Mom Podcast with Ellen Galinsky, author of “Mind in the Making”
This week on The Mojo Mom Podcast, I have the pleasure of talking with Ellen Galinsky, President of the Families and Work Institute, about her new book Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs. And, since Ellen is also a renowned expert on families and work, I also took the opportunity to talk to her about where we are now in the process of securing work-life balance, or “work-life fit” as she often calls it. Could the recent White House Forum on Workplace Flexibility signal that we are finally reaching the tipping point, where we can expect to see more action on flexible work options, after years of activists and researchers advocating for it?
Listen in to this week’s show:
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Mind in the Making takes parents on an engaging tour of the science of early learning, including many classic experiments that still have relevance today. And, as Ellen emphasizes, it’s never too late to start incorporating this knowledge into your family’s life! You can learn more and see videos of experiments at the Mind in the Making website. They have launched this project into a collaboration between scientists, writers, and a film production team that raises the bar for multimedia productions. I know I’ll stay in touch with their website to see what they come up with next.
Ellen Galinsky and Mind in the Making: on CBS Evening News yesterday, Mojo Mom Podcast tomorrow
I thoroughly enjoyed my conversation with Ellen Galinsky, President of the Families and Work Institute, about her new book Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills That Every Child Needs, currently the #1 parenting book on Amazon. Our podcast will post tomorrow morning.
Ellen was on the CBS Evening News last night. (I have to admit, I love that she’s on the CBS Evening News yesterday and then The Mojo Mom Podcast tomorrow!) You can watch the video that features her introducing the book and talking about the classic “Marshmallow Experiment” that showed that kids with better self-control and ability to delay gratification at a young age did better years later in high school. Mind in the Making also posted a YouTube video about the Marshmallow Experiment that I can more easily embed here. The kids’ expressions are priceless as they struggle to resist eating one marshmallow now, so that they can get two marshmallows later as the researchers have promised them:
Will it take a volcano to unleash an explosion of strategic workplace flexibility?
I’ve been talking for years about workplace flexibility as an important strategic tool for employers as well as workers. I’ve long thought that in a time of uncertainty, whether it arrived in the form of a flu outbreak, hurricane, earthquake, or other emergency, it would be very helpful for companies to be able to carry on in some capacity when their employees had to stay at home. It feels like we’re in very unpredictable, uncontrollable times, and companies need to be as nimble as possible, with a plan A and solid plan B for backup.
Just this morning I was asking Ellen Galinsky, president of the Families and Work Institute, what it would take to get employers to finally see flexibility as a valuable strategy for them, not just a favor for their workers. I interviewed her for The Mojo Mom Podcast and you can hear her response on Friday when the show airs.
But then this afternoon the public radio show The World ran an interesting segment about the erupting Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajökull (just had to put that awesomely unpronounceable name in there). With the massive air travel disruptions in Europe caused by the eruption, it sounds like businesses are truly rethinking their travel strategies. What travel is truly necessary versus optional? A few days in London sounds like fun until you encounter the hassle and expense of getting stranded there. How can virtual meetings fill in the gaps when air travel is not practical? How well can we develop relationships and get work done that way?
I don’t think we’ve seen the end of business travel, but I can’t help but hope that a boss’ backup plan may go hand-in-hand with employees’ legitimate desires for being evaluated on results rather than face time, and working whenever and whenever they have to in order to get their work done. And remember, if you ever have to propose an alternative work arrangement, don’t shrink into the corner as though you are asking for a special favor. Instead, put on your most confident face and present it as a win-win for you and your employer.
Balancing Professionals career experts Kella Hatcher and Maryanne Perrin lead you through this process in their chapter in “Courageous Parents, Confident Kids,” and in their resource “The On-Ramping Guide: Tips, Exercises and Important Job Search Steps for Returning to Work After Time Out Raising Kids.” Visit the Mojo Store for more details.
Welcome new readers! Last day of our free digital download offer.
Welcome, new readers to MojoMom.com! I’ve had an unbelievably cool week, sharing the digital download of Courageous Parents, Confident Kids with more than 30,000 readers all over the world.
We’ve also had more than 1000 people get the book shared with them by a friend after initially receiving the offer from me. It’s exciting to see that kind of response in two days! Thanks for spreading the word!
The free digital download ends tonight, officially at midnight, but I’ll let it go a few hours past East Coast midnight to give our friends on the West Coast and Hawaii a fair chance to get their download. Please make sure to download the file and save it to your hard drive, because after tonight, the free download will no longer be available.
I hope you’ll find Courageous Parents, Confident Kids to be a truly practical resource packed with ideas you can start using in your own life right away. If one chapter in particular speaks to you, please leave us a comment!
Thanks to my team of collaborators who worked on the book, from the expert writers, to my copyeditors and book designers. We formed a “publishing flash mob” who came together for an intense time on this project. It’s been an honor to work with each member of this talented team!
Digital download launch day is here! How our new book is like a box of chocolates.
Now through April 21 you can get a free digital download of Amy Tiemann’s brand-new book, “Courageous Parents, Confident Kids–Letting Go So You Both Can Grow.” Sign up now on MojoMom.com and we’ll instantly email you the instructions and a link to access the download. After April 21, the e-book will be available from the Mojo Store for $15.95. The paperback edition is for sale now on Amazon.com.
After months of hard work, our book launch day is finally here! We are already poised to reach at least 30,000 people with our free e-book launch. Last night I did the math and realized we are offering nearly a half million dollars worth of digital downloads for free! Am I are inspired or crazy? Only time will tell. But that’s how much I believe in this work. Thanks to digital publishing and the collaboration among all 14 experts who contributed to the new book, we can afford to launch by getting the digital download of the new book into as many people’s hands as we possibly can.
I keep thinking of our book as a box of chocolates. We’ve put together twelve delectable chapters, and I really believe that for any parent, there is at least one chapter in the book that will really speak to you, and possibly even change your life. But since we all have different families, challenges, and communities, I can’t predict which chapter will speak to each reader. That’s part of the fun then, sharing information that will resonate with you in a way that is specific to your own parenting journey. When I invited people to become book contributors, I thought really carefully about the information and encouragement that parents need, but do not always receive.
Maybe you are feeling a bit lost in the early years of motherhood, and you want to figure out how to take care of yourself and create a big-picture view of your own development. We’ve got that covered.
Or you are wondering how all those parenting experts got their expertise, and want to know how you can develop the confidence and knowledge to serve as your own expert. We have four contributors who explore these issues in depth, helping you parent with more courage and less worry as your kids get more independent.
Then we have two chapters of essential information about real-world safety and internet safety. We delve into the details of safety rules and how to guide your kids through the process of exploring the world (online and real world!) safely. I am really proud to be providing this information from two world-class experts, because this represents knowledge that all parents need, but most just don’t have.
Then, finally, we explore the important issue of finding your voice and raising it for the community. I like to draw a line that runs from self-care to leadership, and the final chapters come full circle from our individual exploration that opens the book.
I hope you’ll agree that this is a yummy box full of variety, and whether you want salt-crusted bittersweet, or strawberry-filled milk chocolate, there is something in here for you. Take a bite, and after you do, I’d love to hear your comments about which chapter speaks to you!
Top 10 Courage Boosters and
Mojo Mom Party Kit, free!
 |
 |
 |
| Find me on Facebook | Follow me on Twitter | RSS Feed |
