This is what it feels like to be in the sandwich generation

I am really glad we got the new book launched successfully, because I have to tell you I am having a tough month. Right now I am experiencing working-Mom guilt, now that I am getting back to the rest of my life and realizing how unavailable I had been as I worked furiously to get ready for publication, in combination with intense caregiver Mom/Daughter responsibilities. We have a real quadruple-decker sandwich going on in my family, spanning from my 10 year old to her 91 year old great-grandmother. It just so happens that everyone is facing a big challenge right now of one kind or another, and thankfully we can support each other, taking turns driving one another to doctor’s appointments and helping out in other ways. So today I check on my Dad who is anticipating an overnight stay in the hospital, tomorrow I bring him home, and if the timing works out (which it probably won’t) I’ll accompany my Mom to a totally separate doctor’s appointment, 40 miles in the other direction. In the meantime my mother is taking care of my daughter and dog as needed so that I can look in on my Dad. I am doing okay but I probably have an ulcer so that needs to get healed, and I am going in for the definitive diagnosis next week, and my Mom will accompany me, because someone else has to drive me and take me home.

My husband is usually an active partner in all this, but due to unlucky timing he’s tied up with unavoidable work obligations all week.

My Aunt has been a godsend as she and my Dad were able to visit their mother together last week, a major trip that would have been much tougher to do alone. She’s also helping with driving this week.

Even though we have a round robin of support, I still feel a crushing amount of pressure right now. When I look at the picture of the big sandwich, I feel like a soggy old piece of cheese stuck right in the middle. I’ve been holding up okay but it’s reached the point where my mojo has been run down to almost zilch. So I am taking this week off from podcasting, and I may not blog for a few days. I hate taking off from writing because that generally makes me feel worse, not better, but this week something has got to give.

If I pull back the lens to the larger view, I’ll say the one interesting thing about my current situation is that much of the stress is unrelated to having a child. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: caregiving is not always a choice. My daughterly responsibilities are equally intense as my mothering right now. As the only child of divorced parents, a lot falls on me as I care for four people (plus myself) and juggle three households to some extent! I am working on getting a support team in place to bring in extra minds and hands to tackle a lot of the work that needs to be done, which feels good. And I am working on my own support, which is going okay, but I have reached the point of burnout where I am not even sure what would make me feel better right now. Still trying to figure that one out.