Mojo Mom calls 9-1-1 on Moms’ Self Care
I’ve always hated the iconic image of a mother juggling the baby, keys, and briefcase. (In my opinion it was only original once, on the cover of Allison Pearson’s book I Don’t Know How She Does It.)
But I am posting this crazy photo here precisely because IT IS AN IMPOSSIBLE image. We don’t have six hands yet we continually set up unrealistic expectations as if we do.
Right now I feel like I have to make a 9-1-1 emergency call on behalf of all the Moms in America. I have covered a lot of topics as Mojo Mom but I have a continued interest in mother’s self care because I have not seen the needle move very far, if it all, on Moms’ Self Care Reserves in the seven years I have been talking about it. So many of us (myself included, I will admit) find ourselves on square one, trying to find time to eat a nutritious meal without gulping it down, and getting a good night’s sleep on a regular basis. (Now my friend “Momma Zen” Karen Maezen Miller can tell you how to come to terms with the fact that we are always on square one, and how to work with that, much more eloquently than I can. I will accept my own limitations on that topic and recommend that you read her!)
It helps to talk honestly with other women about this issue. My Courageous Parents Confident Kids collaborator Renee Trudeau is a wonderful expert on the topic, providing lots of great advice, motivation and inspiration, as well as guidance on forming your own Personal Renewal Group. And recently I have connected with a new kindred spirit, Dr. Christine Carter of the Greater Good Science Center at U. C. Berkeley. Her new book Raising Happiness covers the science of raising happy kids, including the fact that parents’ self care is an important foundation for any family.
Christine has offered to give a copy of her book to one lucky MojoMom.com reader. Leave a comment either here or on my Mojo Mom Page on Facebook, telling me one specific rejuvenating and kind activity you will do for yourself over the next week, that is, before Memorial Day Weekend, and I will enter you in a drawing to win a free copy of Raising Happiness.
You can also check out recent Mojo Mom Podcasts with Christine Carter and Renee Trudeau.
Since my daughters are now school age, I am finding “self-care” is more complicated. It isn’t just finding the time to gulp a moment of aloneness, or to eat a whole lunch. Now there is something deeper, about finding my place in the world and being “of use” while still creating the family life we wish for. I think it is Amy who said self-care is not about more bubble baths and that is getting clearer to me — self-care includes some kind of social change work — changing THEM not me, but it is all a bit fuzzy. So, in a wacky way, my self-care goal for this week is to write an op-ed that has been lingering in my mind but that I can’t quite get down on paper and actually send it, then to celebrate with some actual time with my children (instead of managing them). And still, I’ll be glad to have a bubble-bath moment with my new O magazine sometime this week, too…
Amy, any chance you are going to organize a retreat for mothers, self-care and social change any time soon? Wanna put together another book on this topic? (I’d be up for helping!)
I will read Karen Maezen Miller’s new book ‘Hand Wash Cold’ and luxuriate in her wisdom! And I will be feeling grateful at the same time, since my best friend sent me the book as a surprise present! Two great women helping me take care of myself.
This week I’m going to dust off the old rollerblades, strap ‘em on, and cruise around the neighborhood. I used to skate for hours all round Boston when I was in grad school (before kids) and found it a fantastic stress release when my experiments weren’t going well. I’m also seriously considering going to Kripalu in August for Renee’s retreat. I just have to convince myself that my then 8 month-old baby and 5 year old son will be just fine back at home with Dad (and grandma will be here to help too).
I go see a personal trainer 2x a week. I book a babysitter for a few hours so that I can get a coffee, go to the grocery store ALONE and run other errands as needed at the same time. I started doing this after my second child was born – and it has totally changed my perspective on being a full-time Mom, I’ve improved my health by getting in shape, and I am managing my time better by planning those times when I am kid-free to get important things done. Wish I would started this after my first baby… I’ve realized that a little time away from the kids actually makes me a better, and happier Mom!
Since I am in a cast after spraining my ankle on Mother’s Day (it was an extra memorable first Mother’s Day!), I have been taking a first crack at meditation. I am glad for it being an option for sedentary self-care!!! I will make time to meditate each day.
Allison, I am sorry to hear about you spraining your ankle on Mother’s Day! I have a little bit of good news for you: you’ve won “The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal” in my book giveaway. Congrats! Please use the Contact Us form here on MojoMom.com to send me your mailing address, phone number, and email address, which I will pass along to book author Renee Trudeau to fulfill the offer.
Here is the link to the Contact Us form: http://www.mojomom.com/contact-us/
This topic is so important to me yet most of the moms I meet don’t want to address it!
I started going to the gym two nights a week. I am also going to buy myself a new laptop so I can start blogging again!
Thanks for the heads up on the book! This picture is totally accurate and funny, too. I work a lot of hours, have a family. Life can get crazy around here, that is for sure. Lately I’ve been reading another great book called, “Your Work, Your Life…Your Way.” I highly recommend it to all busy moms out there who need help prioritizing and balancing your schedule.
I will locate my pilates DVD and commit to practice every night next week.
On the days when the girls are at creche, I will savour and delight in the quiet. I will prioritise one or two things to do for myself before tackling everything else: e.g linger over a chai, enjoy a longer sit down lunch, read a chapter from a book.
I will also try and do one thing which will make me feel like I have really achieved something for the day.
Desiree, you’ve won “Raising Happiness” in my book giveaway. Congrats! Please use the Contact Us form here on MojoMom.com to send me your mailing address, phone number, and email address, which I will pass along to book author Christine Carter to fulfill the offer. I believe that the book will ultimately be sent to you directly from Random House.
Here is the link to the Contact Us form: http://www.mojomom.com/contact-us/
I will get out on my blades and skate and visit with a true friend!
I will take walks on the bike path behind my house with my kids. It gives me time to enjoy the outdoors, clear my head and spend time with them at the same time!
Renee Trudeau is generously offering us a copy of “The Mother’s Guide to Self-Renewal” as well. Thank you, Renee! I will draw two winners on Friday and award one book to each one.
I will make sure I get outside and walk several times so I can move my body, clear my mind and breathe the fresh air. I’ll also let go of unnecessary expectations in getting ready for the memorial day weekend ( keeping it simple, simple, simple) so I can start off the weekend less stressed w/ a focus of spending more quality time with my family!
Thanks for the great reminder and support ~
Great to hear from all of you! I am still trying to figure out what to do for *myself* this week. Sleep has become surprisingly uninteresting–something I would rather avoid even though I know I need it! I really want to hold on to that “free time” in the late evening rather than going to bed early. But I have also learned that nothing substitutes for a good night’s sleep, so enough with the excuses….
Amy, it’s amazing, but we all need to keep hearing this message over and over again (myself included). Thank you for keeping the dialogue going and for helping us weave it into our everday vernacular (my goal).
I recently posted about the relationship between self-care/self-love and how it affects our dynamics in marriage. We’ve been having a really facinating dicussion around this topic on the Live Inside Out Facebook Community. People might be interested in reading my post this week on this topic: Relationship Are Hard? at http://www.mothersguide.blogspot.com.
My square one is in San Francisco this morning, where I will attend one of my Mother’s Plunge retreats this weekend! Thanks for reminding me why I’ve gone to the trouble to get away for a day to myself.
Wow, that sounds dreamy. Retreats have always been a great “reset” button for me; I need to start going on them again!
You are both right there at this moment! Hope you get a chance to meet sometime.
I will nap when my baby naps and go to bed earlier. Thanks for this opportunity!
I will start sleeping earlier. Sleeping late and being exhausted is at the heart of so many of my problems: eating wrong, not exercising, not taking care of myself…
Yoga, and morning and evening meditations/reflections. I used to do these regularly but lately I find reasons not to. Thank you for the reminder that caring for ourselves allows us to be better cargivers for those we love.
With the help of my husband I am spending an evening at the spa with my best girlfriend! Dinner, soaking and a massage! Ahhhhhhhhh.